Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
