You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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