Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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