she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
