hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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