what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
