My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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