margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
