I looked at my own cervix.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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