Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
