i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
