There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
