oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
