Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
please come you make the beer taste better
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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