...so i touched it.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
