are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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