one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
