Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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