it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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