This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
