i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
