i don't like sucking hair
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Your shirt... Was in my pants
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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