my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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