Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
