I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
there is glitter all over my balls
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
