I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
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That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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