my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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