plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
