Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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