I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
