You work out of a Hotel?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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