Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
