just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
