Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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