If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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