First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
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My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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