Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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