She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
