Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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