Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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