I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
