we're blogging at a bar
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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