just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
