I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
