i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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