He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
