Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
