i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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