I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize