listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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