dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
