it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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