The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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