just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Boobs speak an international language.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
