What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
