just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
