I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
