i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
