I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
