Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
