fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Oh god it's open bar.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
