I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
