yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
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Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
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There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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