halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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