Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
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I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In other news, I just burned my penis
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I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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