Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
being pregnant is like rehab
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
