You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
