Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
