i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
