the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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