I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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