I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
