He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize