So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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