I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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