So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
